alright to add to that...
it was getting really long there are a couple of things i have to say
i just have to get them off my chest

1. I'm not sorry for what i did when i was home
i know i hurt some people but im not sorry
and im not going to say im sorry because i was taught not to say sorry unless you mean it
and i dont mean it so i cant say it
it sucks for you but im not going to apologize
and if you want to change how things are you sure as hell better say something
learn from this life is too short and you need to speak up now before something happens
especially with you
you have to come to me
im done begging at your feet for forgiveness when i did nothing wrong
and i know you dont see it that way but i do
you broke my heart twice TWICE
and im done feeling like i owe you something
sorry but i stood up for you countless times and seriously this is how i get repaid
by you shutting me out for doing something that really wasn't this big
ya i kno i hung out with him but seriously you never gave me anything that i need from a guy
all you gave me was pain and hurt and a guy i had to defend to my friends
and im not living my life like that
i want to be happy and treated well
so if you ever want this to be ok again you better start apologizing before its too late
because the door is starting to shut and its gunna be hard to open again
i love you you are my brother but seriously i cant take anymore pain from you
i have had enough pain and hurt in my family and i dont need it from you
i need someone that will be there so i can talk to them when im falling apart like now
i need someone i can depend on and right now thats not you
so just know you had your shots and you fucked them up its not my fault
we all make mistakes and you have a shot to try and fix them before its too late
so just dont wait seriously
life is too short it could be gone tomorrow
so just get over it
was what happened really worth this think about that



2. what are you doing right now
what are you looking for
are you trying to avoid me for some reason
like did i do something because i thought we were friend again but i cant ever get a phone call out of you
i need to talk to you right now
you are the only person who seriously has any idea of who i am anymore
and what i am going through
i just need to talk to you
and figure some stuff out
please just give it a shot
it was so amazing when we were together
you said it yourself that its best with me
i know what you need and want and i want to give it to you
i truly care about you and that is the most important thing
just you too dont wait to think about it
i know you take a while to process it
but think about it now
and figure it out i mean you could have gotten seriously hurt that night
im surprised that didnt shake you up enough to realize that life is too short
and that you shouldnt put off things that are truly important in life
like your friends
just listen to your heart and follow it
just know that i am here and will be for a while im not that easy to get away from
im sorry but ya
anyway just dont wait cuz it could be gone before you know it
and then you will never get the chance to tell people what you are thinking
life is just too short

 
and those are the lessons that we learn from our friends dying
not that teenagers are stupid
we learn that we have to say what we are thinking because we might not get another chance
so here is what im thinking
i just wish you would listen before its too late

Yea so I just can’t wait to go home again
and talk to people and figure everything out
it is so hard living this far away from your problems
cause they all can just ignore them because you aren't
there to be in their face
and be like we need to talk
all’s I can do is call and that is easy to ignore and avoid

I just wish that I could say everything I have to say
and have you hear me
because honestly I have so much to say to you all
and it’s not fair that I am not given the shot to say it

You can just push me away and not deal with any of it cause

I’m not there to make you

 

I just want you to know that it’s not going to be easy

I’m not just gunna let you back around in a second

You are gunna have to work for it and apologize

You have treated me like shit for way too long and

I’m not putting up with it anymore

3 years of not talking to me is way too much

You have pushed me over the edge finally seriously

I’m done dealing with your stuff how can you say

You love me and then do this

If you really felt that way then you would have talked to me

And let me explain to you what happened and why I did it

But I guess you don’t love me like you say you do

Cause you still haven’t let me say anything to you

In like over a month

And honestly now I don’t care

So just know that coming back is gunna be at your own risk

Cause to me “You’re just another picture to burn”

I really don’t care what you have to say because it doesn’t

Erase what happened and what you did to me time and time again